Another roadblock occurred this week. It’s all in the details of property and money. My obstinate personality is not letting me give up. So here I am again — no decision, no divorce. It will be well into 2016 before this all gets settled.
I feel as though I’m being cast aside and not being heard. I’m nearing 54 years of age and I have no career to bring me into retirement. It is difficult to re-enter the workforce after being a stay-at-home mom for 15 years. Sure, I can find hourly jobs all day long, and I have found them, but they offer no retirement benefits or health insurance.
This is my life right now. Living in a sort of limbo. Three years & 38 days. It is a place of confinement because I am married, but not really. It is a place God is allowing me to live and so it’s ok that I’m here. And I’ve found a new best friend in this place – Blessed Mother Teresa. She is the 3rd “Teresa” who has befriended me on this journey. Her predecessors were Teresa of Avila and Therese of Lisieux.
My interest in Mother Teresa began last May. Sr. Marie Hesed introduced me to Mother Teresa. Sr. Marie is one of the women in my spiritual mentorship program. She had worked side by side with Mother Teresa. She shared with me Mother’s true love for Jesus as she saw with her own two eyes. It’s one thing to know Mother Teresa’s story, but another to hear about it firsthand.
Last Thursday, as I was reading 33 Days to Morning Glory, I learned Pope Francis would canonize Mother Teresa. That day, which was Day 15 of 33 Days, the meditation was about the lover of the Heart of Jesus: Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta. It was a “God moment” as we say. The woman I was reading about could be canonized in 2016.
Blessed Mother Teresa knows my pain and my loneliness because she’s been there too. She wrote the following: “suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that he can kiss you.” So, you see, God is using this time to share His Son’s Passion with me. I was kissed.
Mother Teresa’s heart for Mary speaks to me as well. Her writings help me to visualize Mary’s face as she looks upon her crucified son. Mother Teresa’s writings place me at the foot of the cross. From beneath the cross, I look up to heaven and see Christ hanging there for me. I am no longer cast aside. I am loved AND I am kissed.