At A Crossroads

Being at a crossroads is a point at which a significant decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences. My mother’s death in 2012 was a true crossroads for me. Being with her as she took her last breath, and seeing what became of her body and soul, left me with many decisions to make. I knew these decisions were serious, but I had no idea how far reaching they would extend.

The first decision I had to make was about my faith. For most of my marriage, I had succumbed to the idea of not practicing the faith I chose. My desire was to maintain peace in my family and my husband chose our faith. I went along with him. My family attended church every weekend, but I was not fulfilled in this plan. I was not growing spiritually. 

The second decision I had to make was about my marriage. I had been married 20 years at the point of my mother’s death. The circumstances of her battle with cancer showed me a side of my husband I had not seen before. There were some red flags I was seeing. In the chaos of life, I had not taken time to examine or work on my marriage. This had to be addressed.

The third decision I had to make was about my own happiness. I was unhappy with my life. On the outside, I had it all, but on the inside, I was empty. The golf-course home we lived in did not fulfill my needs. My two beautiful daughters did not fulfill my needs. My job did not fulfill my needs. What was I going to do to restore happiness to my life? It was up to me.

The earth-shattering experience of seeing my mom breathe her last breath hit me like a sharp slap in the face. Wake up! Do you want to be on “auto pilot” the rest of your time on earth? God was speaking to me in a rough voice and I knew I needed to listen. 

The 7-hour ride home to Kansas after my mother’s buriel was awakening. God’s graces poured out and I knew some serious work was in store for me. I vowed to dig deep, uncover this pain and find out why my life was looking this way. Why was I feeling this way? What was going on in my marriage? 

The next three years were excruciatingly difficult for me as I examined my issues. The end result? I am now a practicing Catholic and in training to become a spiritual mentor. I am in the process of getting a divorce. I am a writer. My two daughters are the joy of my life, but they are not responsible for my happiness.

Jesus Christ has become my focus and He is the source of all my joy. And in the middle of all this change…I was diagnosed with breast cancer and will be celebrating 3 years of being cancer free on October 29, 2015. As for my beautiful home: it was sold and I currently live in a 2-bedroom apartment with my youngest daughter.

Christ called me at a crossroads. I’m forever grateful I answered His call.

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